Thistle Moanings...sadly the bitter kind.
Jul. 23rd, 2011 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thistledearI think my depression issues might be taking a turn for the worse. It's getting harder and harder to make myself eat. It's after 7, and I know I need food, yet the idea of it makes me sad and sick.
Or it could just be the supreme disappointment over the whole "no house for you!" thing and the idea of what it will take to get me one. It's hard enough to just get through the 8 hours I do work at a desk job I despise, and I'll have to take another one (but also a desk job and not retail, which would destroy me) for a YEAR. 12 hour days, 5 days a week for a year. And that's only if the temp work holds out that long. And after all that I'd still probably be three or four thousand short. Depends on what this evening desk jobs pays. My friend said she was taking home $200-$300 a week, but she also has more experience than I do.
Yeah, I can get a mortgage loan with less than 20% down, but you know what happens when you do that? PMI. Private Mortgage Insurance. And that slaps an extra $75+ onto my monthly payment on top of principal, interest, and escrow, and it's just enough to throw me into the "oh god it will all end badly" budget. So I'll probably need something like $16-$18k for a down payment, and it may very well kill me to get it. But I'm gonna try anyway.
But yeah, I know I'm focusing too hard on what I need to do, and not what it'll achieve, and that's always going to throw me off, well, everything. But especially food. I'm probably going to hermit like mad (not that I'll have time to do anything else) and food's going to become a big difficulty.
...on the other hand, Harlequin Nocturne pays a pretty damn nice advance. Like $7k nice. I wonder if I could write a supernatural romance for the housewife set? XD
Or it could just be the supreme disappointment over the whole "no house for you!" thing and the idea of what it will take to get me one. It's hard enough to just get through the 8 hours I do work at a desk job I despise, and I'll have to take another one (but also a desk job and not retail, which would destroy me) for a YEAR. 12 hour days, 5 days a week for a year. And that's only if the temp work holds out that long. And after all that I'd still probably be three or four thousand short. Depends on what this evening desk jobs pays. My friend said she was taking home $200-$300 a week, but she also has more experience than I do.
Yeah, I can get a mortgage loan with less than 20% down, but you know what happens when you do that? PMI. Private Mortgage Insurance. And that slaps an extra $75+ onto my monthly payment on top of principal, interest, and escrow, and it's just enough to throw me into the "oh god it will all end badly" budget. So I'll probably need something like $16-$18k for a down payment, and it may very well kill me to get it. But I'm gonna try anyway.
But yeah, I know I'm focusing too hard on what I need to do, and not what it'll achieve, and that's always going to throw me off, well, everything. But especially food. I'm probably going to hermit like mad (not that I'll have time to do anything else) and food's going to become a big difficulty.
...on the other hand, Harlequin Nocturne pays a pretty damn nice advance. Like $7k nice. I wonder if I could write a supernatural romance for the housewife set? XD
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(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-24 01:28 am (UTC)I vote for the Harlequin option. I'd certainly read a supernatural housewife romance, and my grandma loves romance novels so I'd have to get her a copy...
(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-24 03:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-24 05:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-24 08:33 am (UTC)